Time for a break

I will be taking a break from writing. There! I’ve said it, now I just have to do it.

Image credit: Corbis Corporation

I hope it won’t be permanent but I don’t currently know how long a break it will be. I am lacking inspiration despite reading brilliant posts by others daily, but there is something blocking me and as my mother says (and grandmother before her), if you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.

Truth is, I’m not feeling very positive at the moment. I need to refocus my energy and take stock of my life and more importantly my health. I live with a underactive thyroid, caused by an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which has for some reason decided to go off-piste by more than a little, despite previously successful treatment and a relatively stress-free, illness-free, pregnancy* & childbirth-free lifestyle for a few years.

*the gestation and subsequent adventures of birth and breastfeeding the Little Chap caused a few waves in the old TSH levels for a while a few years ago, but we were all good there for a few years!

In a nutshell, I haven’t been feeling quite like myself for a while now but only recently realised how off track things were getting and it will probably take several weeks for my new dose to kick in. As my levels are so high, it may even take a further adjustment to bring them back to the normal range in due course – 0.4 – 3.5 according to the medics, and from personal experience over almost a decade, somewhere between 2.0 and 3.0 in fact. (Cough! They’re currently 12.5.)

I have felt more and more tired (at first I thought it was because I was staying up too late writing) but then I realised I wasn’t actually doing that so much any more and I was still feeling more and more tired, earlier and earlier in the day. I can’t concentrate on anything, not even simple tasks. My mind feels as though it is permanently pre-occupied, but yet I can’t think what with! Honestly, I’ll be in the kitchen having said I’ll go and make dinner, and I’ll start to wonder why I’m standing there…

I am not sleeping well either. My patience levels have diminished considerably as a result and my PMS has become all but unbearable. In general, I have begun to notice I’m feeling a little negative about most things really but now I know it will all clear up with treatment, I will try to focus on the positives again but bite sized chunks, keeping it simple, less is more – these are all good mantras for healing.

Last week’s post was a cheat, I know – so I won’t blame you for not reading or commenting on it! The one before that, late and, I think, somewhat reflective of my relatively low state of mind and I don’t want this to get any worse! Indeed, looking back over the last few months, I can see that my levels must have started to increase beyond “wellness” around about the time I decided to start my blog. The writing must have helped in some ways, because, following a conservative adjustment to my dose in September, I hadn’t really considered my levels might be getting worse, instead of better until the test results I got back this week. I thought it must just be naturally worsening PMS due to my impending big birthday that was turning me into a tearful, angry bitch for two whole weeks of every month. I guess it is, though that is a symptom, not a cause.

Since Christmas, our normal daily routine has changed with the Little Chap going to daycare three days a week instead of one so he is missing both sleep and time with his Grannie and Grandpa and his behaviour has reflected this, which I’ve found particularly difficult to manage. This in turn makes me feel like a rubbish mother – if I have more tantrums than he does, how will he ever learn how to behave? I don’t feel like I’m doing my job properly and nothing upsets me more than that. As a result of the change in routine, I’m also not getting my usual walk to and from the tube station on my way to work, taking the car instead all three days as it seems impossible to get the Little Chap out of the house early enough to walk the mile to the nursery (Google estimates 19 minutes for a healthy adult, I have done it fit and alone in 13 but with a determined 3-year-old…? Give.me.a.break!). I do realise I need to find a way to address this though, as I do feel the benefits of fresh air and exercise in keeping fit, active and feeling well.

It breaks my heart a little to walk away from Mayfair Mum, even for a little while, as I’ve really enjoyed creating it and even more so, building an audience for it through Twitter, Facebook and other social networking sites. I’ve met some lovely readers who have been kind enough to leave some lovely comments and I hope you will still be here when I return.

In the meantime, I will be taking some time to get myself back on track. As part of that process, I would like to make sure I can make some time to keep writing somehow and with renewed vigour and purpose – I’ve drifted a little. Perhaps the less is more approach might have a beneficial effect. I might come back sooner with something of a diary approach – I seem to naturally write long posts, which I know aren’t always considered the ideal for a blog, so I may experiment a little with more frequent, shorter posts if only to prove I can do it. I may do this off-line for a while first but I hope to come back a stronger, fitter, happier person and a better writer as a result.

I also want to develop my creative writing, read more (of everything!) and the big dream is to one day come up with a novel of my own… So much to do and so little time and I feel a little overwhelmed so it is time for something to give.

So first I thank you all for reading over the past six or seven months and secondly, please do stay tuned for the next chapter.

Mayfair Mum x

© Mayfair Mum, 2012

18 thoughts on “Time for a break

  1. I’m sorry to hear that you’re not feeling well. I can completely understand how you feel about finding it hard to leave your blog and readers after working so hard to build it up. Your readers will still be here when you come back, so take the time to recover and refocus. And well done for having the courage to take a step back and focus on what’s important. There is nothing more important than your health and your families happiness. Good luck x

    • Thanks for being awesome! It is hard, MM has been my second child, a confidence boost, a vindication, a way to meet some awesome writers and just so much damn fun! I will be back but I do need to look after us all right now. Starting with me.

  2. Reading this, I just wanted to reach out and give you a big hug. And then bake you something warm and yummy.

    I’m not someone to give advice without being asked — actually, who am I kidding? Yes I am. That’s half the reason I started my blog.

    I don’t know anything about your condition, but I do know about feeling down. Make sure you have a chance to spend some time in the sun (or natural light) every day, even if only for 15 minutes. There’s a reason blues get worse in winter. And take some time to read some inspirational books. My favourite is Dr. Seuss’s Oh, the Places You’ll Go. (As an added bonus, you can read it to the Little Chap, and then it’s doing double-duty: It can inspire you AND make you feel like an awesome Mum.)

    Best wishes. Take as long as you need — we’ll be here when you get back.

  3. I’m very sorry for and hope you’ll be ASAP well… not for blogging but for you and your family. I rarely (maybe never) comment but I often read you. Take care and come back when you’ll feel it (i’m sorry but i’m not good at writing English… I’m obsessed by mistakes so i make some too much). xxx

    • THANK YOU for taking the time to leave such a supportive comment. Your written English is perfectly clear – just goes to show how we shouldn’t obsess about the mistakes too much! I’m equally guilty and when I get ill, the obsessing and worrying just seems to get worse, eventually becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. Glad you’ve been enjoying reading my posts and I promise to regroup and come back very soon (see my reply to Becoming Madame!)

      You can still find me on Twitter @MayfairMum – I think I might be able to manage a couple of characters or a retweet each day!


  4. It sounds like there are a number of elements playing alongside one another right now to make your life a little hairy. I’ve been there; I think most of us have. A trick, if you’ll permit me to offer a bit of my own experience, is to keep everything is perspective, cut out the self-imposed stress, focus on what you can control, try not to isolate yourself and take baby steps forward. Write a 100 words every day to keep your juices flowing. Writing spurs from writing. Take some time to read, some you time. And bet on yourself. I wish you all my very best.

    • Many thanks for the kind words and good advice (all true).

      I think the blog is a bit of self imposed stress, hence I’m going to take a break for a bit until I can get my head sorted. I can’t seem to stop writing, so your 100 words a day limit is a good one – even if just jotting down ideas to keep the juices flowing. It is the feeling that I have to post something great every week that I think is helping to make things hairy! When my brain turns to mush like this, I know what I have to do, I just can’t keep track of it all. I have great systems but I fail to use them. I just need to take some time out to do exactly what you say so thanks for writing it down so clearly – now I have something to refer to when I forget! LOL

  5. wow! I feel sad as I’ll miss you and i feel happy that you have decided to take a break and put your health and family first. They are all that matters and we’ll always be here waiting for you to come back! I am only up the road from you so tweet me if you want to grab a coffee or a walk (mine is bad at that too, but maybe we can take them to the zoo). best of luck x

  6. I have just come back from a self-imposed (and lack of internet imposed) break from my blog and twitter and I am sad to hear that you are unwell! I hope that you are back on track soon and come back bigger and brighter … I will be here waiting 🙂
    Take care of yourself xx

    • Thanks for your support. You all know how to motivate a girl! Will know more after blood test in a few weeks but things have been a little easier this week. Fab support of Mayfair Dad a real help obviously. While it’ll take a little longer I think to get back up to full energy levels all seems to be going in the right direction for now.

    • Thanks Emma – just got to be patient (not my biggest strength!) and wait until my energy levels come back up to full par and content myself with a lower bar for a bit…at least I know I WILL get there!

  7. Sorry to hear your feeling so poorly, its good to hear your taking sometime for yourself. I found seeing a nutritionalist very helpful and was a real turning point for me when i felt bottom of the barrel this may be something to consider to put you back on the road to recovery.
    Take care and hope to see you back soon
    catherine (making it as mum) xx

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